My dear Sisters, I know you feel responsible for the actions of your abuser, but I assure you that you are not. You may have been counseled to cook better, or don’t say or do things that will set off a violent episode in your home. Your preacher may have told you that all you need to do is “pray more.” I am sure you have heard unsound advice that only served to confuse and frustrate you further.

It is my hope and prayer, that you will let the wisdom of the bible penetrate your heart, soul and mind. God has much to say about violence, and the character of those who carry out domestic violence. Our heavenly Father would never place the responsibility of changing hearts upon your shoulder. It would be an unfair and impossible task for you to carry out. You have not the POWER!

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In Matthew 12:33-35, Jesus teaches that words reveal character. He says in verse 33: "Either make the tree good, and its fruit good; or else make the tree corrupt, and its fruit corrupt: for the tree is known by its fruit." The heart is the foundation of all that we say and do. Our words are the streams that flow from the fountains of our hearts; "for out of the heart the mouth speaketh." If a man’s heart is evil, likewise the words that flow from his heart will be evil. Bad things are expected from bad people. Note in verse 35, the contrast concerning a "good man" and an "evil man" –

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Jesus asks this question in verse 34: "O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things?" It isn’t possible. Oh sure, many pretend to be good on the outside thereby deceiving others, but they deceive themselves as well, (2 Timothy 3:13). You will know a good man by his fruits, his words, actions and his deeds towards others. Stored in his heart will be nothing but good; the Word of God, graces, comfort, love, kindness, good resolutions, knowledge, and good affections. An evil heart will bring forth the opposite.

A person can only pretend for so long. What is stored in an evil heart will eventually manifest itself. Unfortunately, much of the evidence will be negative and destructive, not only to others, but to himself as well. In your lifetime, you will meet many who exhibit goodness on the outside, but on the inside they are like "dead man’s bones", (Matthew 23:27). Eventually their vain, idle, and disrespectful words will come forth like spears and arrows that will pierce your heart with pain and sorrow.

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Those who are living with domestic violence usually experience verbal abuse first. Before the hitting starts, verbal assaults are hurled at the intended scapegoat. Notice I didn’t say "victim." The ugly words are stored in the heart of the abusers, and you have nothing to do with what is said to you. Verbal and physical abuse are stored in the heart.

In Mark chapter 7, Jesus rebuked the Pharisees and the teachers of the law concerning their tradition of washing their hands before meals. These religious leaders were refusing to eat with the disciples of Jesus because they ate their food with unwashed hands. To the Pharisees and the scribes, this was an uncivilized and unholy act on the part of the disciples. Not only did the religious leaders make hand washing before meals a religious duty, they enforced their tradition upon others as well. Granted, hand washing is a sanitary thing to do before eating your food, however, this text of scripture addresses religious traditions: