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I grew up reading Dick and Jane, Cinderella, and all the books
that young girls cherished about love and romance. Even though I lived in a row home in Philadelphia, that didn’t stop
me from envisioning my Prince riding down my street, coming to rescue me. Our row home didn’t have a white picket fence,
didn’t matter. Someday my Prince and I would have a white picket fence of our own.
One day he would ride boldly to my mother’s house,
and demand to take me away from the madness; the fury of domestic violence. No more would I suffer neglect and damaging affects
of the violence, for I would be whisked away in a flash. While riding on the back of his beautiful white stallion, I would
wave goodbye to my mother’s dysfunctional household, leaving all the pain and misery behind.
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There was no need to pack the rags that I was accustomed to wearing. My Prince
would provide any and everything that I could possibly need. There would be no more hunger, for I would feast on the delicacies
prepared by staff in his far away castle. My mind would only know peace, no more war. No more waking up in the middle of the
night, crying, frightened, and bewildered.
I would stay at home like Jane, waving goodbye every morning from the edge
of our white picket fence. I would be beautiful, at peace, and know only love and deep affection. My Prince would come home
faithfully to me, and only have eyes for me and me alone. Like Cinderella, my Prince would reject all others, and we will
live happily ever after. Oh dear Mother, someday, I will leave your madness, and fly away.
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I dreamed of my Prince back in the 60’s, and
here it is 2009, and women are still waiting for a Knight in shining armor. A new generation are envisioning the same white
picket fence that I prayed for years ago. It seems that no one has bothered to tell them the truth, What a shame!
Before I move on, I am not some kind of Prophetess of doom. I am a realist,
and life has taught me to be one over and over again. Especially in the area of personal relationships and marriage. Anita
Baker says it best in her song-Fairy Tales, "Reality steps into view."
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Now there is nothing wrong with young girls reading Cinderella, Sleeping
Beauty, and books of this sort. However, those who place these books in their hands should inform them that these books are
for "entertainment only." Better yet, the books should come with a warning, "This is not real life!"
Everyone who lives in a house of violence and neglect finds their own way
to cope; especially children. My way was reading, and my imagination. I was a dreamer, and dreaming was my escape. My books
were the gateway to another world, one that did not know domestic violence, abuse, or neglect.
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On the other hand, perhaps there were mothers’ who read these stories
to their young daughters, and they lived in homes not filled with violence. Everyone loves a love story with a happy ending,
and caring mothers try hard to present the good in the world to their children. You don’t want to plant seeds of paranoia
about all the dysfunctional people in the world, so sometimes fantasy is a good thing.
If I were raising a little girl today that loved to read fairy tales, I would
read them with her. I would not take away the part of her that dreams of having a good marriage someday. But I would definitively
let her know that real life isn’t how we fantasize it to be. She could keep her fantasies, but she would also be armed
with reality.
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HAPPY ENDINGS
Movie goers love a happy ending. After all the drama, pitfalls, obstacles,
and antagonism, we all root for our heroes to come out on top. When our hero dies, we are disappointed. When
love dies, we are devastated. Most, if not all couples (do) anticipate happiness in their
marriage. Unfortunately, the divorce rate shrinks the percentage. As we read about the divorce rate in our country,
we know that not many people have found what makes for longevity, and happiness in a marriage.
I want to say this to you my sisters with all the love in my heart. I would
not be building this site if I didn’t care about you. I am going to use words and phrases from the song, Fairy Tales
to make my points.
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The only "perfect paradise" that I know of is the one spoken of in the bible.
Jesus told the thief on the cross that was condemned to die along side of Him, "Truly I say to you, today you shall be with
Me in Paradise" (Luke 23:43). Adam and Eve experienced paradise on earth, and they blew it (Genesis 2:8), chapter 3. We are
living in a fallen, sin-filled world, and nothing and no one is perfect.
You may meet a "nice" man, and he may seem to be the answer to your prayers.
But with the absence of a good Christian father, you may not
know what to look for in choosing the right man for you. Or, allowing the right man to choose you. "Nice"
could be a cover-up for many negative characteristics that will come out later. So, what can you do? Listen to our heavenly
Father’s guidance:
"Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether
they are from God…" (1 John 4:1).
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Although the above scripture is referring to false prophets, the same advice
should apply to Mr. "Nice." The Greek work for "spirit" is PNEUMA. It can be used in reference to "the breath" (2 Thessalonians
2:8). And "the immaterial, invisible part of man," (Luke 8:55). PNEUMA also refers to the "sentient element in man, that by
which he perceives, reflects, feels, desires," (Matthew 26:41), and in Romans 7:22, "the inner man."
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So when we "test" the spirits of others, we are searching for the qualities
that one who claims to serve God should possess. Is Mr. "Nice" humble in spirit? God was able to use Moses because he was
"very humble-more than any man who was on the face of the earth" (Numbers 12:3). Your Mr. "Nice" may not be on the same spiritual
level as Moses, but possessing humility will bring him God’s grace. Here is an example of a check list that you can
use to "test the spirit" of your new love, or the man you have doubts about.
(James 4:6-10; Job 5:11; Matthew 23:12)
"Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you." Does
he humble himself in the presence of our Lord? Does Mr. "Nice" treat you and others with disrespect, or does he humble
himself in front of your family and friends? How does he treat you in private? When no one else is around, does he still exhibit
Christ-like qualities? Or does he come out a bag on you?
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Proverbs 16:32; 15:29; Proverbs 15:2)
Is he able to rule his spirit? Is he quick, or even tempered? Does Mr. "Nice" have a problem with verbal abuse?
Are there signs of anger? When he speaks, does he speak words of wisdom, or does his mouth bring forth folly? Has
he ever threatened violence or acted on it? Does he throw things when upset, or frighten you with his anger?
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(Ecclesiastes 7:8; Ephesians 4:32)
Is your Knight patient in spirit, or does he exhibit haughtiness of spirit? Does he walk in the Spirit of God? And possess
the fruits of the Spirit? And they are:
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Does he easily forgive others
their trespasses?
(1 John 3:4-10; Ephesians 5:3)
Does Mr. “Nice” lead you into sin when you want to do what is right? Do you find yourself compromising your
salvation to have this man in your life? Does he often say things like “God understands” when he continually sins
and entices you to do so?
(Colossians 3:9; Ephesians 4:25; Proverbs 19:22; John 8:44; Psalm 52:1-4)
Has your Knight ever lied to you? Does Mr. “Nice” make a habit of lying to you or others? Have you found his
words and actions to be unreliable? Does he say one thing, and do another? Does he lack integrity?
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(1 Corinthians 15:33; Proverbs 1:1-19)
Does Mr. “Nice” keep good company? Have you ever met his family and friends? What are they like? Does he try
to isolate you from your family and friends? Have you ever been told that he is all that you need, and you don’t need
your family and friends anymore? Be very careful with isolation, abusers plot to get you alone and away from support of family
and friends.
(Psalm 53:1; Ecclesiastes 12:13; Psalm 10:4)
Most importantly, I left this one for last so that you think on these questions the most. Does your Mr. “Nice”
believe in God, worship God, fear God, acknowledge God, and encourage others to serve God? Does he pray to the God of heaven?
Does he trust God? Does he hinder you from worshipping God? Does he manipulate your religious beliefs?
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Certainly this list could go on and on. But I just wanted to lay a foundation upon which you could assess your
future mate, or current mate. Especially if you are experiencing violence, abuse or threats of any kind. This list is not
meant to frighten you in any way. Nor is it meant to eliminate the wonders or courtship, or cause you to become fearful of
others.
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In order to form relationships with other human beings, there has to be some level of trust. However, when we operate with
blind faith, we often set ourselves up for situations that may be difficult to get out of. And domestic violence and abuse
are very good examples of harmful situations that may not entirely be avoided, but you won’t miss the signs if you allow
yourself to recognize the handwriting on the wall.
When you find yourself being wooed and courted with flattery, hopefully this list and others will be embedded within your
heart for future references. Otherwise, you may assume that over-flattering behavior is normal. If you are in a new relationship,
be careful if your admirer is: A. Obsessed with you. B. In a hurry to form a more mature relationship. C. Adores you and barely
knows you. Usually, these signs are huge red flags that should not be ignored. They often mean that a messed up person is
trying to intimately connect with you before their inner demons rear their ugly heads, and you see him or her for what,
and who they really are.
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